Confessions of a Teenage Nobody

Honestly, I dont know how to start this post. I've deleted the last 6 sentences I've made before.

Right now, my mind is in a whirlpool. All I'm thinking is that, Will my family ever be OK again? :'(

I know it is a little bit exaggerated, but for years my Mom and Dad never fought like this before. I never understood why they are like this. Not to mention my Dad is in Cebu City and my Mom is in Passi. And this is the first Christmas after 5 years years that were not together. It really breaks my heart. Maybe it's a curse?

I was never a good child. I did a lot of mistakes in my life. But I never stopped loving them. Though I rarely show my feelings. I wanna get out of this house! I wanna live on my own for a while. I can handle myself. Yes, I can! Just give me money. I'll take care of myself. I can live without talking to them for a very long time. i just don't want them to ruin my future. I'll be independent. Maybe we were not meant to be a happy family after all. :(

My life is not as perfect you see. Sometimes I'm thinking of suicide. Though I know it's not right. But what if it's the only answer. Will they be happy again? One life for the happiness of everybody? Will you be happy now, Mom and Dad? :'( 

Dont say I'm dramatic, coz nobody knows what I'm going through. Nobody understands what I feel. Nobody is understanding enough. They are all selfish! Everyone of them just thought of themselves. I can't even listen to my own thoughts. Sooner or later, don't be confused what I did it. I'm on the edge, maybe its too late, maybe its not. Im hanging on a thread. And if everything goes haywire, I'm not holding back!