The first time I fell in love.

The first time I fell in love. Even though we weren’t “together – together” like a couple, I felt like he was my whole world and he felt the same way too. I never expected for us to be close to each other and develop special feelings as well. It’s like we were the same in some ways and totally different in others. I’m happy everytime we texted each other, it’s like my day won’t be complete without a message from him. It was summer that time and we had no ways of communicating to each other except through a cellphone and also the internet.

It started as a crush or rather an admiration. I liked him because he’s good in playing the guitar and drums and also he’s a care free person. I asked for his number from a friend of mine and with everything in set, I texted him. A simple “hello”. It was so embarrassing but I kept my cool. I don’t want to be a loser in front of him. He was extremely friendly and we have so much to talk about. We’re so close in the phone but we barely even say hi to each other in person. Weird. Ha. Ha. But I want something more in our friendship, I crave for us to be close and I want him to trust me. So I made the first move, I said hi to him one time then my friends kept teasing me. It was simple, but cute. He’s shy in front of me. As school ended, I went home to my province that summer and he stayed in Iloilo.

We got closer and I realized it’s more that a crush now. I trusted him about my secrets and he shared a lot of his too. I knew a totally different side of him. I grew to appreciate him more. I realized that when someone’s smiling doesn’t mean he’s happy. I understood him through his pain and grief. A different point of view. It’s funnier sometimes that I get jealous when he’s texting somebody and not replying to me. Then I thought, maybe he doesn’t really feel something about me like I feel for him. Maybe I’m just a little sister to him. One day, he confessed that he has feelings for me but then he took it back, he said he was joking. I know he feels something too. I’m so happy! I got as much as I bargain for.

But the worst part is yet about to come. We had mutual feelings now. The dilemma, the night he wanted for us to be together, I held no...It sounds weird but, yes, I dumped him. It’s not because I don’t like him or he’s not that handsome, it’s just were not for each other. We’re like chalk and cheese. It’s difficult. It’s like a forbidden love. He was so pissed that night. He wanted to attest how much he loved me and will do everything for us to be together. He would even change into my religion for us to end up together. But no, I’m not that selfish. Someday he’ll find someone, and I know they can live with no boundaries. As much as it hurts me, I have to let go of him. I love him. I never felt anything like this before and I know it will leave a deep mark when it’s all over.

I just thought what if I let myself love him and break the rules. What if I said yes and let him convert into our religion. What if’s... I made my verdict, and it’s final. And before school starts, we called it off. He’s in college now and I’m still in high school. There are a lot of stuff we’ll be doing and I suppose he’ll meet someone better and he’ll move on. Though I’m grateful that with even the slightest of hope, my dream of us being together was granted for even just a small phase time. I’m satisfied that I knew he also cherished me. We’ll be always good friends and as of now, we still communicate to each other, let bygones be bygones. It was short but it felt like a lifetime, almost. I might say it was a sad thing to let go but I know it was the right thing to do. I’ll always remember this once in a life time experience, perhaps it might come about again, but the sensation will be different. My first love...